To say that I’m angry would not do justice to how I’m feeling right now. I’m not going to sit here making any excuses or pointing fingers at anyone else; my performance today was poor, and it was my fault.
I went into today knowing that I was going to be facing a likely sit-and-kick race after seeing I had drawn the first heat. I was still confident, and after the warm-up and some strides I felt great and was in good spirits. Everything was going my way, I could breathe well, I had a nice bounce in my step (something I had been missing for the entire winter), and very confident that I belonged in the final. The race started, and I had decided before the race to lay low and stay out of trouble for the first kilometer and not worry about fighting for position, which I did fairly well at avoiding.
The problem was we went out right around 3:00 for the first K. I didn’t panic, took the next K to move up a bit to improve my position and attempt to ready myself for the finish. I got bumped around a bit, but managed to get myself in the middle of lane one and felt great.
We picked it up a bit, which was expected, but my mistake was not running MY race–I got slightly intimidated at the wrong time. After being so confident before and at the beginning, when I wanted to/ should have taken the lead with about 2 1/2 laps remaining to get some free running and stride out, I hesitated and left it for a kick. At the bell I felt good and was holding position of 4th, and even with 100 to go I was right there in 4th, but around the curve I got lit up. I thought I could kick hard that last 100 meters and was dead wrong. I ended up finishing 7th in my heat in 8:06 and found out later I closed in 4:03.
I crossed the line feeling like I could keep running, but I couldn’t change the gears to maintain or improve my position. It is the worst feeling to know that you are better than many of the people in the final and not be there because you screwed up and took yourself out of the race. I am incredibly frustrated with myself, but I learned a lesson (the hard way, once again) that I can’t be apprehensive to make a move that suits me for doing what I need to do. I had a plan going into the race and let the opportunity to execute that plan slip away, which now leaves me out of the final.
I learned to not worry about anyone else and just run MY RACE! If I have any advice for the younger runners out there, it is to do just that. Don’t be afraid to run YOUR race, no matter the level; if it works for you, DO IT, don’t alter that strategy or you will be on the outside looking in and finish a race with a lot of regrets.
If there is one bright spot I can take out of this it is that I did close in 4:03 at this time of year with only 3 track workouts under my belt feeling pretty darn comfortable. This means we are on track for the summer, which is the big picture. I’m glad I made these mistakes here and not the Trials or the Olympics, because those are the main focus for the year, not the Indoor World Championships.
Jonathon did make the final in the second heat, finishing 6th with a 7:59, so root for him. I know I’ll be in the stands cheering him on. Well, I guess it’s back to training for me and get ready for outdoors. Bring on the speed 
If the big picture is this summer, than this was meant to be. In life there are people who get bitter, and people who get better—you have shown what kind you are. “The better” . . so take what God gave you. Don’t be a slave to negative thoughts, you have nothing to prove, just confirm who you are, and know what God gave you.
You have so many supporters in Wisconsin because you are humble, and kind. When you get down—run for them or the little boy that knew his dream.
Best of Luck!
~E